To Procrastinate or…

I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. ~Douglas Adams

Confession: I am a procrastinator!

There I said it. I am a procrastinator and I am good at it. I will find so many other things to do other than what I am supposed to be doing.

But why?

I worry while I am procrastinating. I know that in the back of my mind it would be easier to just do what I am supposed to be doing but I do not, I continue putting thing after thing in front of the main project. Then once I have hit that moment of panicked anxiety, that inevitably comes, and I finish the project I am relieved, wonder why I waited so long, and say “I will not procrastinate again! I will accomplish my tasks and enjoy my down time after, instead of worrying!” One day I hope that I can actually live up to those statements.

A perfect example of my procrastination: I should be either working on projects for work or going to bed so that I can get up early tomorrow and work on them. Deadline for these projects is Wednesday July 12. This deadline ensures that everything will be submitted and there will still be ample time edit or resubmit if there is something wrong. Now there are 6 projects and each project has multiple parts (creating charts, graphs, summaries, logs etc.). So naturally you would think, “hey lets get these all out of the way” but for me that has been a big NOPE. Now I have had these assigned projects since the middle of June and there have been some legitimate reasons that I was not able to accomplish them then (family in the hospital) but since then I have had plenty of time to do them. However the siren’s call of enjoying things (sleeping in, staying up late, reading non work related books) has caused me to yet again procrastinate. Now I am not saying that I should not enjoy these things, because what is life without enjoyment, it is not life. Even as I sit here writing, my cat is curled next to me, and Criminal Minds is playing in the background.

Why do I keep doing this to myself?!

One problem is I feel like I need that stressor, I need to be in a near anxiety fueled, deadline pressure setting in order to work. (Which for someone struggling with anxiety this is not an overly healthy thing)

Another reason is that I know I can. That is the biggest problem! I have my procrastination pattern down to almost a science. I can tell you with some certainty what I will do to procrastinate, how I will dislike myself, and when the absolute crushing need to work will set in. Applying this to the current situation means that tomorrow night I will begin to feel that pressure and I will begin to sit down, finish the organizing I need to maximize work time and then Sunday morning I will wake up anxious to begin. Everything will be organized edited and submitted either late Tuesday night or early Wednesday. Then will come the waiting to see what needs to be changed/edited, after final submission I will have a couple days to breathe and relax. Then it will all start over again.

Maybe next time I will beat procrastination!